Body Positivity with Jarrod Lee

Britt East [00:00:02] Welcome to Not Going Quietly, the podcast where we inspire growth, beat down biases and get into all sorts of good trouble with your host, Britt East. No topic is off limits as we explore ways to help everyone leap into life with a greater sense of clarity, passion, purpose, and joy. So get ready to join us for some courageous conversation, because Not Going Quietly starts right now.

Britt East [00:00:29] Hey everyone, welcome to Not Going Quietly, the podcast for outraged optimists and heartbroken healers all over the world, where we surface life's searing truths in the name of radical togetherness. I'm your host, Britt East, and I am here with a fantastic guest host. We're going to spend the whole hour with him. I can't wait for you to meet him. So let's bring him right in. With over 300 plus lives transformed and 3,000 pounds of body fat lost.

Britt East [00:00:59] Jarrod Bruce Lee is the CEO and founder of The Daring Academy, helping gay men overcome body shame and build the bodies and confidence of their dreams no matter their experience, age, genetics, family background or how many times they have failed in the past. In particular, he helps gay men demolish the beliefs that they aren't worthy of having the bodies they want, that they don't have the genetics, that they don't have "enough time,"  that wanting to look good is  "shallow," that they need to go on extreme diets, or workout for long hours to get in shape by simplifying fitness and nutrition. Members often share that fitness has become fun and healthy, eating enjoyable and sustainable for the first time, and they didn't think they could look and feel positive changes in themselves so quickly. Having overcome his own share of pain, homophobia, racism, an emotionally turbulent childhood, heartbreak, binge eating to appearing on DNA magazine, Queerty, Men's Health, come on, and more importantly, developing genuine self-love and confidence, his mission is helping gay men heal and live the lives they truly desire. Oh my God, I want some. Jarrod Bruce Lee, welcome to the show. It's so wonderful to have you. Hello. How are you?

Jarrod Lee [00:02:15] Today? Hey. Thank you. Thank you for a warm introduction and doing great. I'm really excited to be here and have this conversation and have some fun together and share some value.

Britt East [00:02:26] Yeah, absolutely. It's such an honor to have you, and thinking about, you coming on the show today, I was reminded that, at least for me, as human beings, it just feels like everything spiritual begins with our bodies. And, you know, I in reading your bio, it seems like, you know, maybe that might resonate with you. And I was wondering, how can we especially, you know, you you specialize in working with gay men. How can we, gay men who have been hurt so deeply by so many in our lives? How can we start to create positive relationships with our bodies and actually learn to fall in love with ourselves?

Jarrod Lee [00:03:10] Yeah. Wow. That's a that's a great question, Britt. So. It's definitely it's it's so intertwined that spirituality, the shame that we go through as gay men, the different traumas as if any human being rather. The first starting point I've noticed is. Allowing ourselves to. Have the opportunity to feel what it feels like to allow ourselves to want what we want and allow ourselves to be okay with our desires. And also at the same time. But I find all the challenges we've gone through to allow ourselves to see that come and see how trauma, see the hardship we've gone through. The biggest thing I see that can stop us from creating positive change in our lives is denying either war. So either we're denying or shame. We try to shove it away, put it in a box, pretended it happened, which I did for many years of my life. Because it's easier. And especially when you don't have the tools. I don't have the tools or access or understanding. What else do you do? Right. And I did that for many years. The other side is desires of allowing myself to say, hey, what if it's possible you can feel good in your body? What if that's possible? And I know when I bring this up, oftentimes there's a lot of shame that come up. But no, I'm not worthy of this. I can't have that. Who am I to want to look good as being as selfish? All this stuff comes up. My first question for any person I work with is what if you allow yourself to feel boss? What happens in that space that.

Britt East [00:04:57] Is so cool! I love it because I know I was thinking about my own journey when you were talking and thinking about, self-righteous judgments I had around ideas of personal validity, abilities, physical privilege and, you know, feeling, you know, being gay, a gay man in society these days, at least in the US, where I live, is sometimes feels like a relentless battle against giving yourself permission to fall in love with life and to crave and to experience and explore what the universe craves from you. And so we sometimes it's like we want to, look a certain way, and we immediately follow that desire with a judgment. Sometimes we worry that if we get healthy and take charge of our lives, then what comes next? And so I love the way that it's like you're calling on us to be responsible not only for, putting in the work, but also putting in the dreams to actually visioning and seeing what could be. And it made me think about how we might learn. And here's what my question to you is, Jared, I guess it's like, how can we learn to then lose ourselves and surrender ourselves to those desires, to the natural flow of the universe, what it craves from us, and choose to trust ourselves? Yeah.

Jarrod Lee [00:06:27] Of course. So I do want to frame this, this whole conversation as well. Read that everything I'm sharing, I'm still learning as I go as much as helped guys, right? There's still a lot of growth in learning. And also be very aware that I spend four years, especially in the beginning of my transformation and all this from a massive place of shame. So that was a key driver. So it's not I didn't have this journey of I just surrendered myself to the desire to allow myself to want this body that was going to heaven. I went through a lot of hard times too. So stiff. Different. Want to be very open, transparent for that. But I finally go in. It's even then I just. It isn't. Sometimes it can happen in a big moment. I've had guys I've worked with where they just have this big epiphany go, wow, okay, what if I can create this board and I just go all in and it's incredible. But I've also had guys who goes in the trenches, they go, okay, I feel a lot of shame around my body right now. I feel like I have to want these things a little inch forward of wanting a surrendering to the moment. And I go backwards and then go forwards again and just inch by, inch by inch leading. Leading to that, towards where they want to go. But what I find was this period when you, especially when you circle back what you started with, by the spirituality in our bodies is so connected where. If you just simply. We simply asked ourselves. What does my body truly want? And this moment. And really just listen to that. That often has. Or a lot, if not all, of these answers. And that can go into everything. It can go from food choices, like, does this really feel good to my body? What am I doing? How why am I doing this? If you come to am I working out? Because I feel like I need to look like this fitness model on this Instagram guy. Or am I working out because this actually feels good? I want to work out this feeling that this feeling flow of my body. This feels good. Especially afterwards. Right? Asking those questions and listening in creates a big difference. And starts to steer us towards. And the reason why cells in our bodies is we all have different things. There's no one said pathway, but our bodies can give us so much of those answers.

Britt East [00:09:05] Yeah. I think we've actually almost skipped a step because when you were talking, I was starting to think like, wow, how in the heck are we going to listen to our bodies if we're if we're busy slapping on Band-Aids on our problems for numbing out or for, overindulging in alcohol or food or illicit drugs or whatever, all the myriad ways that that we, especially in gay male community, tend to opt out of life. To opt into convenience and instead of deal with the root causes of actually what's, harming us or hurting us or or even just avoiding feelings altogether. And so, you know, it's like in order for us to begin to listen to, like, so for instance, I remember, I know I was a yoga teacher for a long time, and, that's when I first felt the call that you describe, in terms of like, I would like freestyle, yoga in my own personal practice because I somehow started to hear the call of what my body truly wanted and to. And it felt good to heed that call. And it was that was it's own muscle, quote unquote, over like a spiritual muscle. Over time, I learned to build and to, to cultivate that sense of desire. But for so many of our listeners there, probably it's like, you know, first, my body wants to get sober a little bit or first, I need to stop eating, binge eating. And so it's like, how do you when when you have I mean, I've never been a trainer or worked with people in the way that you do, but when you, assess clients, it's like, how do you start to help them pass through that and start to hear that call of what their body is before they hit it?

Jarrod Lee [00:10:51] So there's a couple of pathways to this purpose. I don't particularly. This is a personal thing. I don't like this one, but oftentimes the majority of us as humans requires this. So. It's really paint. So digging into like painting the vision, right? So sometimes, as most of us, I find it easier or we're more willing to avoid or run away from something than to go towards our desires. And it's it's an evolutionary survival mechanism, all of that. But my question then, let's say if you are struggling, someone, a pitcher or someone will actually come on board the program recently, he's put on. Bit of weight for Covid years. So since Covid, it hasn't he hasn't been able to reverse it. And instead of me saying, hey, what is it going to feel like for you to lose the weight and get back healthy again? It's too far and it sits too far away for him to picture. He's so stuck in, I can't do this. This is too hard. So I should dig in and then go, okay, so we've put on 30 pounds in the last two three years time. And. You've been struggling with your body, but struggling with. Mentally too with this a few dating situations. Different parts. Would be using food or alcohol to numb away the pain. We understand that. What's going to happen if another 2 or 3 years goes by? And I really invite people to sink into that, to really look at the reality of things, of, okay, if I continue going to where I'm going, I put on 30 pounds. The last two, three years, my mental health has decreased. I could be going down a really bad path and then being really honest and serious. No double shadow. I just go, hey, this is what is going on. I'm going to face the reality that you continue down this path. This is what's going to happen. So no longer is it about, hey, I want to look a certain way. It's just going, okay, I don't want to. Really have all these health issues. I don't want to go on this down this path. My mental health struggling. I need to do something and it's very, very painful. Bread. I want to take it over there and I find it. It can be uncomfortable for both of us, but that is what is required oftentimes at home. Okay, this make a change in this guy by the way. He's is he's all in now. He's taking action. He's making changes. But it will that very very difficult conversation or pain for that I'll bounce off.

Britt East [00:13:40] I can see how that be a huge differentiator between your services and maybe a traditional like physical fitness trainer at a gym, which is purely more about reps and sets and what have you. And I mean, I just think that's amazing. I've shared a lot on this show about my background and the 12 steps in. And what you were saying just reminded me, so deeply about that. We first have to get real. Until we get real, we can build nothing else. And so we were just building on quicksand. And so I love if, you know, somebody wants to get a certain body type, that's awesome. And if that's body type is conventionally attractive based on, cultural norms of today, who cares? I'm going to cheer them on anyway. That's really cool. I'm not going to judge them in any way, but if it's built on quicksand, I might think to myself, hmhm. How much of this is really going to last. And so I really like how you're saying it's like, okay, first we have to get to the foundation of the house. We have to pour that foundation before we before we frame the house and put it in the windows. Otherwise it's, it's going to topple over.

Jarrod Lee [00:14:48] And we'll go for a bit further on this forever. So when we start to go to the foundations, we started for that. Okay. What are those core roots things that's going on. And oftentimes what I find dry. So the reason why we maybe reach out for the food, for the alcohol those things is there's a feeling of not being good enough. I don't deserve this. Maybe this trauma stems from past relationships. All of those those things that they're going to come off and. I don't think I've worked. I'm sure you have too. But rights of all backgrounds in Metis. Seven, eight figure CEOs, docs, lawyers, wages, we all have all these things that we all have to as human beings look, look at. Because if we don't, that's not going to disappear. That's still going to be there. And we all need to face it. That's, that's a tough word that all comes up throughout the process.

Britt East [00:15:46] Yeah. And if you live in the US, at any rate, society is engineered against you as a gay man. It's designed to keep you separate and alone. That is that is how it is explicitly been created. So at the very least, we have to reckon with those social pressures and our response to them, and then also look at our response to love, whether it's loving our body or loving other peoples. And that becomes, like you're saying, the spiritual foundation upon which we can build this new house. So it almost sounds like to me, what you're saying is you're talking about healing hearts and rewiring minds.

Jarrod Lee [00:16:21] Yes, absolutely. Healing has rewire Mars ethical whole crux of that whole thing. That's really.

Britt East [00:16:26] Cool. That's really cool. So once we, you know, get people in the driver's seat. Recognizing what they have been living with for so long. What they have been enduring, coping with. Maybe even getting real and honest about their coping mechanisms. And, and at least, cultivating awareness of that. How do you start to help people nurture a sense of self-mastery and discipline?

Jarrod Lee [00:17:00] Is this so many different angles and what I notice, different angles work differently for different people? Some people simply. Sometimes just having accountability. So some people listen, they just miss. They don't know what they're doing. And I spent four years doing the wrong things. Simply just having hey, here's the workout. Do these things, make these changes in eating habits and they just go ahead and do, and they go, well, I feel so much better already. Incredible. And that's what they need. So sometimes it's external accountability should stop the build that into the internal minds. And we have a community of other gay men who are all on the same journeys had this support. So you're not doing it alone myself. That can sometimes be enough. For some others, though, we take we've got to go deeper. Go a bit more. One part is we start to really question. Wait first building awareness and all those beliefs. What are those root cause beliefs? That's. Underneath the surface of it all. For example, if someone, let's say. I'm going to give my own example now. So I grew up seeing my parents fight a lot. Whether it was verbal, emotional violence, physical. There was on a beautiful part of my childhood, but there was some very challenging paths which I shoved away. But from that, along with being shamed for my sexuality at school, being rejected, constantly as a late teen, early 20s on dating apps and online online dating and all that situation. I was doing this fake belief right that. I am unattractive. I am a lovable relation. Healthy relationships are not possible. I can't get into incredible shape. I can't. I'm doomed to feel bad about my body. This is just the way things are. And what I do with each person I work with is help them shine a light. With that, I shine a light on all these things. And then we have to set a destruct. Deconstruct this to say, okay, is this really true? Is it really true that love is not possible for you? Is it really true that your genetics absolutely suck and you just can't lose weight? Is this true? And once we do it enough times, it's asked who. Maybe. Maybe it's not like we're kind of opening. And as soon as I have an opening with, I start to imprint things with it. It's, getting them to start even just for five, ten minutes a day. Visualize the possibility of them. The opposite, maybe the healthy. Yeah, certainly. Bodies that love their bodies. What does that look and feel like? And it can be very uncomfortable, by the way. I want a first way to go over this. Feels really weird and unfamiliar. That doesn't seem right. This is. This is not my territory. But that's good. I say awesome, let's keep going. This is what you need. Because that unfamiliarity is what is where your dream life or your where you want to go. Let's get you there. And just every single time. And just keep on making that shift. Day by day, week by week, couple months later. Most of the guys I work with, they sort of say, oh, well, actually working out is pretty easy. Eating healthy is easy. I love how I look, I love how I feel. Jared, I really didn't believe you in the beginning. I thought you I thought you were openly optimistic. You don't know my situation, right? You don't know my body. You don't know my history. You don't have a habit. Has a salon failed? But here I am. Here we are. And it takes that. And the hardest part about this program is that discomfort. Unfamiliarity. Because we don't do things. I have so much help along the way. I still have a lot of help. It's easy to stay comfortable with. As as painful as it can be, it's more familiar. And as humans, we like familiarity, so it's helping us make those shifts.

Britt East [00:21:21] Yeah. It almost sounds like you're stoking people's appetite for life. You know, you've gotten you've gotten some clients, maybe some prospective clients who come to you and maybe they don't language it this way, but they they're deep down what they're thinking is I've just lost my taste for life. I've just I've I've just I've woken up and I found myself in this place where I'm isolating. I'm distrustful. I'm cynical. I'm tired of receiving a volume of rejection that nobody but gay men can even begin to imagine. Let's face it, nobody, nobody is more of an expert on rejection than gay men. Nobody. I don't care who else you are. I mean, it's just that is the story of being a gay man in most cultures. And so, they're tired, they're working multiple jobs. They're taking care of parents. They're taking care of kids, you know, all the drags on, their delight. And then here you come. Mr.. Positive optimistic. Like I'm going to stoke your the fires. I'm going to I'm going to help you find the flavors in life and recover the feeling of joy. And I can't help but wonder what that must feel like to you. How do you feel when you see that transformation happen in your clients?

Jarrod Lee [00:22:46] I'm very sensitive, so I feel things very deeply and I cry every reason. Whether the first conversation where they share and the pain and struggles, I empathize with that. And I go, wow. And I feel very emotional. And for them to trust me enough to share that already. Wow. And then later on for them to see that transformation is just. There's nothing like it. And that's. I guess that's what keeps me going so much is this one thing for me changing my life, changing my body and, so many circumstances, my relationships and all that. But then to be able to use. The pain I've gone through and in my lessons and see someone out. Shine is just as powerful as well.

Britt East [00:23:34] And it's not just random people. You're talking about a segment of society, gay men who have been purposely marginalized. Many have been disconnected from their families. Many have been forced to live on the outskirts of society, depending on when and where they grew up, when and where they live. So you're talking about a, segment of society that, could really use some help and love and care and concern. And so the work you're doing is so sacred and tender. And so I can only imagine what it's like to see the arc of these journeys. But my question to you, then, is what is it like for them to see it? Once you see it, you experienced this like you're used to this. You've now led all these, you know, millions of clients to this, and you delight in the journey. It hits you deeper and deeper, as you said. But for them, it's the first time they've experienced. The first time they've seen it. They knew it wasn't true. They knew you were full of shit. They knew it was impossible. It would never work for them. And then all of a sudden something happens and one day they feel a little light. Or one day they walk by a mirror and they look a little different, and it catches them off guard and unawares. What is how do you hold the proverbial mirror up to them so they can delight in their journey? And how do you know what is it like for your clients to experience this?

Jarrod Lee [00:25:00] Yeah. So. I always say a good, good majority is. The sense of. Wow. I didn't believe this was possible. I think the biggest change here is once they see the physical changes, there is a visible change. So much of the workers, that's only 20% sure underneath it. But then there's a sense of, wow, if I can do this, and working my whole life thinking this is not possible, what else can I do? We have people and they become personal trainers and coaches themselves. They pursue businesses, and it's just this new sense of confidence. And I see body transfer. That's just one aspect. But when you, when you achieve something you never thought possible, when you broken one box, they go, okay, if I've done this, maybe one of these things, I'm sure I have that. And what I usually do. Right. So they they see that they feel that is see that I shine a light. I go, okay, exactly. Like I say, here's a mirror. You are here and now you're here. This, this to celebrate you. This like, earn this. Let's get you to taste and feel this. And then we have to shine a light on everything else, too.

Britt East [00:26:23] It's a catharsis. I mean, people, I'm sure however they express it, however it plays out in their emotional selves and their emotional body. On some level, it's cathartic. It has to be cathartic to systematically break down the self-limiting beliefs that have held them hostage, whether imposed on them by society, friends, family, themselves, whomever. And to see those walls crumble and then to be left with a green field of opportunity. You know, which can be scary, can be daunting, can be overwhelming, can be thrilling, can be inspirational, funny. And I've witnessed this in all sorts of different spheres of life, these catharsis, and experienced it myself, of course, like you described in your life. And like probably all of us have felt, and. I think it's like you said. What unites. Our. Our vision of our bodies with our vision of our lives. Meaning, you know, if we hold one aspect of ourselves negatively, that's going to impact the system of a, you know, the rest of our lives, in our bodies, and to tear that dumb, must be really special. And then to watch what flowers in its place, like you were saying, and to show that mirror and to to to be. You know, the other thing is it's not happening in isolation. You're joining them in the process. So you you are joining in the, in the process of breaking down the barriers, but then you're also joining them on the other side. And so they experience an emotional relational continuity, a relationship. And for gay men, that is profound because we have been relationship starved. We live in an epidemic of loneliness. And here you are guiding them on the path, and you're not you're on the other side as well. And that just must be so special to, to to witness. I guess my question to you is. You know, so many of us and in gay men have been had traumatic experiences around physical fitness. We were bullied by teammates in sports or not allowed to play sports. We were bullied by coaches, teachers, whomever, scared to engage with the physical aspect of life. And growing up. Horseplay, roughhousing, the things that, excuse me, the things that young people engage in to bond and have fun and delight in their bodies, even platonically. And so we bring all this baggage with us when we come to you, Jared, or we sign up for the gym or whatever thing we do. We bring all this baggage with us, this trauma with us. How do you, Jared, how do you reckon with that? How do you create a safe space for them to like what you were saying earlier? Like, I hear you, I honor you. This has been your story, and now we're going to do something different. And it's possible even for you. How do you bring all that together?

Jarrod Lee [00:29:54] Yeah, I think that's that's a that's a part. So, so many of us have gone to the gym by ourselves and it's intimidating. You see the guys lifting the weights and you, it kind of reminds you of every single thing. I remember the first 2 or 3 years when I stepped inside a gym. I would go in for a few sessions, leave and go in and leave. Because this is voice saying, Jeremy doesn't belong here. This is not for you. And when you're doing things alone, if you sign up to gym alone, this is one. Everyone already has statistically 85% plus pick a sample gym and never show up again after the first month. And then add on top of that, being a gay man who has been shamed for body, how we look, how we feel for sports not being masculine enough, all these things that will combine. Number one is giving. How, given the fact that they have allowed themselves to seek out help. That are in so many shells because they're not alone anymore. They're not doing this thing where they have to conquer everything. Learn. And the space that we create. Right. So. So this is someone jumps on in, they suddenly see all these other gay men who have all felt like them, and whoever done it already, and they're all and cheering him on, they go, oh, okay, maybe that their credit safety. And because the community is of gay men, this the understanding is there. So that's a safety space first and foremost. That is we have a very strict zero judgment zone. Everything can be shared. The conversations one moment we we have a group coaching conversation and someone is crying the eyes out. The next moment we're laughing together. There's nothing that's not okay. So that safety space is so crucial. And then secondly, it's just when you go inside a gym, when you have all that going on and you don't know what you're doing, you're just kind of winging it. That creates all those fears. But this is with just the. The plan, having know exactly what they need to do for the workouts. Exercises. Technique. Then nutrition. And knowing just knowing that they have the support and guidance there. All of that combined. Decreases a lot of their stress and anxiety. It doesn't mean that it's gone. They're still gonna step inside the gym for the first time after a long time. They're still gonna be there. But we cushion it. So then first time, second and third time. Usually by the fourth time. Majority not all, but majority. Go. Oh, okay. This is actually not nearly as bad as I thought.

Britt East [00:32:53] It's so cool. And like I said, you don't have to do it alone anymore. That's so profound. I mean, when you if anybody who's listening, who is a gay man or who has loved gay men, that's one. I mean, you can easily imagine what a profound statement that that is to invite us into community, because that's what we're starved for purposely like I keep like I always on the show, bring things back to the system of straight supremacy, which keeps tries to keep us separate and alone. You are resisting that through your business, through the community that you're building, and you're inviting gay men into relationship with one another so that they can nurture each other. You know, like I said earlier, nobody's no more rejection than a gay man. And because of that, nobody's more cynical than a gay man. You know, the worst, the toughest customer prospects because they've seen it all. They've their finely honed antenna to, you know, bullshit detectors. There's no. So bringing them into a community where we into a community where we can be real and authentic. I have a sacred space that we can be ourselves because 90% of the day we're self-censoring, we're required to if we want to hold down a job, we can't be all our cells. We can't tell people what we did over the weekend in many cases, or what we did over the night at work. You know, it's not safe, depending on what you do and where you live and, and all that. So when you invite people in, in this community where they can be themselves, it lowers their defense mechanisms. It lowers those walls, those judgments, and then makes it more open, makes them more open to. We're going back to where we started to learn to listen to those voices in their bodies of desire, not just sexual desire. We're tuned into that, but the desire, in the moment, the healthy impulses in the moment. What do I want to experience in this moment? That's sublingual. It's below language. It's like, what does my body crave? Well, like you said, whether it's food or movement or whatever style or emotion or rest or whatever it is, that to me is such a huge victory and such a subversion of this system that is trying to grind us down, and, and and such beautiful, beautiful work. And so I guess I, I'm envisioning that when people go through your program, Jared, they come out with a newfound sense of empowerment because that's naturally what flowers. And so my question to you is, what does it mean to be an empowered gay man?

Jarrod Lee [00:35:41] What I found, and this is actually the crux of how the Darren Academy was formed, was me really embracing my sexuality, coming out fully 100% and really earning myself. I started to see this. I saw this as almost. It may sound that cheesy, but as almost this mission came to me rather than me creating it, where rather. Yeah, I had there's this whole spiritual awakening that happened to me in 2020 where, I was in this. There's a lot of healing going on space where a lot of my past, everything came up and one of the big things was this message of me, actually, this is not for me. This is to be shared and to be multiplied. And, the way I see right is instead of, say, fighting the system. So going, hey, we decided that it's the order's up, let's make us love ourselves so much and just stand is so much about power. That's it. The more of us that do that is incredible. So when we say empowered, being empowered came in quite a few of the guys, by the way, they Not from me saying anything, but literally just then transforming. I knew one guy. He came out publicly on LinkedIn. There were some family stressors, right? So parents that just like that is few things there. But that's where empowerment is, where he was actually, you know what? I want to take a stand for myself. I'm no longer going to hold back my self just to please my parents, just to please all these things. What if that was good? Shocks 60 some 80% of people would be 80% plus very positive in response. Because he did that, so many other people started coming out. Just go, hey, you know, well, this is me. I'm no longer holding back, too. And that just was that, domino effect. And that's really powerful. But this is where empowerment is, is no longer. I see myself more as a catalyst. Right? I don't say this is. I cried. I've helped him with a system that helps them get there, but ultimately, each individual finds their own voice to say, this is who I am. And that empowerment is owning that and going, this is who I am. This is my truth. These are my thoughts. These are my feelings. These are my opinions. And take it or leave it.

Britt East [00:38:30] I love it. It's like. To a certain extent, seeing through a certain lens. Joy is the work. Play is the work in so much of what we're talking about as removing the layers that have accumulated over the years, whether through stress or trauma or strain or heartache or heartbreak or, societal issues, all that kind of stuff. To who we always were anyway. You know, left to our own devices, who we were born to be. One might say our fate, our dharma, our destiny. Because we have then whittled away all of the noise. It's like earlier you were talking and I was thinking. It's like our bodies are an antenna. And so we're talking about separating the signal from the noise. And the signal is the divine guidance. And that's what that's what resonates in our bodies in the moment. Those are the beautiful impulses that lead us to what the universe craves from us, and what we crave from it, and that virtuous cycle. The noise is all the rest of the crap. You know, all of the rest of the stuff that that is foisted upon us. And so, like you, when you're talking about empowerment, I was left with this, or I was experiencing the sense of joy when you were talking about it because you're because you exude so much joy, even, you know, we're just on a podcast separated by, you know, zillions of miles, and you know who you know, who knows how far. And but I could still you're just radiating so much joy. And I started to think, well, that's actually the point, especially for queer people, especially for gay men. It's like when the world is out to drain us of joy, then experiencing cultivating joy is an act of political resistance. And then sharing that with the world is truly subversive and maybe even divine. And then, like you talked about that spiritual awakening you had in 2020. That's what got me thinking. Like, here you are radiating out the joy that you've created in your own life, and giving gay men structure that they can utilize to leverage their own joy. And, how beautiful that is. So. I guess it's almost like I was saying it's like a sculpture. A sculpture that's, you know. You know, sculptors always say they peel away the layers, they remove the clay. That isn't the sculpture itself, the the signal from the noise. Again. And so my question to you, Jared, is like, okay, how do we begin doing that in our personal lives? Like you give people a a point of entry through physical fitness. It's like physical fitness is almost the vehicle, for this spiritual transformation, if you especially if you believe the body and the spirit are intrinsically linked. So how do we start to carve this? I'm just thinking out loud here. It's like, how do we start to carve away, separate the signal from the noise, remove the parts of the sculpture that are not, how do we start to do that in our personal lives?

Jarrod Lee [00:41:48] Yeah, I feel some fast. So I the spiritual side, right. I see, so in, in a program we have ten weeks, which is focus first as physical standpoint, the fitness, the nutrition, the mindset. Two of us can make it this physical transformation. But then really we have an advanced community as well where we go deeper. So this meditation is a key thing because what meditation does, whether you want to call some people here what meditation, they don't like it. Right. But all meditation, some people love it, I love it, but all meditation is, is just finding that space. Well, we step in what we we shared earlier that awareness, that intuitive knowing that, that childlike self as we were came to this earth with this, that dharma that's already there. We step into the awareness and we start to see those thoughts, those patterns clearly. We've got a different perspective, this vantage point. And meditation. There's so many different forms this term express this multiple disciplines, but that's the first gateway is being able to distance ourselves from our thoughts and emotions. So we're not. That's all the stuff about a shared right. We can't share it if we're stuck in it. If we believe the thought that I am unworthy, being gay is wrong. If that is out of that's in our body and this is stuck there, the thoughts, emotions we can't separate it with, we can move. But once we create a separation, go. Maybe that's a lie. Maybe that's what they can share. We shared that's that's number one. And number two would be nature just being outdoors and nature was ocean. See, into the park. Even barefoot on the ground. On the sand. Just being one with nature. Nature can teach us so much that humans cannot. Because nature's justice is there. Since the spiritual is untarnished. Is there and connects so quickly? Those are really quick access points. And then thirdly. Personal life. What I found. This is something that's almost. It's inevitable, which is surrounding yourself with the right people, by the right people. I just mean, where do you want to go in your life? What what what what resonates with you? What makes you want to surround yourself with more of those people? Because if you're still staying stuck in the same environment, if you stay with family people, they're showing up and you're there day to day, day to day, and that's what you're spending your environment in, it's going to be very hard for you to break out and start to believe that you are worth far more than you've ever believed. So finding those people. Which can be challenging, right? Right. Because we talk about this, the loneliness, the seeking out how this. I stayed away from that for so many years because I saw that as a weakness. Like I can't reach out. Well, I can't do that. But surround yourself with the right people. That can help dramatically because you start to have. If I didn't grow up with role models of. That I could look up to emulate. And that in itself was very challenging. But if you can find those people and surround yourself with that, then, well, that's makes a process so much more. It's still going to be hard work. That's going to smell so much easier than now.

Britt East [00:45:26] You are those people that you didn't have.

Jarrod Lee [00:45:28] Oh thank you, thank you. Yes, yes. And that's that's the mission here is to be that person and allow it just, spread that, spread that. So there's more and more of us that's just there.

Britt East [00:45:39] The, there's, ancient text associated with yoga written on. And I will say 10,000 years ago, somebody can correct me if I'm wrong by a person we call Patanjali today. Maybe he didn't exist, but he said, and the it's the Yoga Sutras, the very first sutra, the truths of yoga. He said, yoga chitta neuro Raja yoga is the cessation of the fluctuations of the mind. The stilling of the pond. And that's exactly what you described. It made me think of that. And then I was thinking about the ancient caves of Lascaux in France, the very first picture paintings that we have found that human beings have left us in the Ice age. What were they painting? Not portraits. They weren't selfies. They were painting animals. Because something, maybe something they saw majestic in them. That in the animals that they longed for to connect with in that sublingual space that, that that you suggested. So yeah, I just I was in resonated with everything that you were saying. And I think the key takeaway is there are points of entry. It's not it doesn't matter what point of entry you choose to a certain degree, if it's life affirming and healthy and all that. It just matters that you choose one and that you go deeply and you choose it every day for a certain period of time. You make a commitment. You cultivate that that discipline. You build a muscle discipline. You build a muscle of intentionality, and you make a commitment and that you that you pick on. But there's all sorts of points of entry. It's not, there's a certain mysticism to, to being alive. But when it comes to the process of transformation and learning how to harness and channel our energy, that is as much about choice. As anything. Would you say?

Jarrod Lee [00:47:38] Absolutely. And that then that the thing here with that choice is. It never stops. As there's no, myself, every single person I work with, my coach admits every single person. It's not. It's not like you make a choice here, and then it's done. It's every single day. It's a choices you get to make. Every moment, every moment. And that's the beautiful part is that as. Challenging as you may have gone through from the past. You get to make a choice today to even just a 1% shift completely changes the trajectory of the church.

Britt East [00:48:20] What is sacred in your life?

Jarrod Lee [00:48:21] This is two things. One is my. Marriage. Relationship with my partner. My husband. Lover. Tony. He's been massive and part of this journey of. Reflecting back and helping me. Love myself in a different way. And there's that space there that. It's almost untouchable. It's very. It's very special. It's very special. The other side part is there's that part of myself, that untouchable part where. Spiritually with for meditation or. In the quietness. Beyond. So all that stuff. So running the Dairy Academy is a DNA magazine or a powerlifting or all those, you know, there's a service available, gold medals, all that. So all that stuff that's. Underneath it all. When I'm in that quiet space, it's almost. There's a part of me that is untouchable. No, nothing on the outside. Nothing. No losses on the outside, no wins. Losses. Comments, opinions. Can give or take. Can take away. Take this way. In this. It's here. It's so present. And that's pretty the biggest force of presence and driving force where gives me the courage to do so much in life, to fit, to go face those fears and do those things. Because this safety there, and I'm still growing there, but there's still moments, by the way, where I fall away, step away from them like the fears. And does it happen? But every morning when I meditate, when I'm there, space. And throughout the day when I those presence. That's that's sacred. And that's I see that is connection to source religion myself. To the world come metaphysics, universe go, however you call it, in everybody else. But that's her first connection with me that allows me to connect so deeply. Right now we're having this conversation. Just. I feel very inspired. Bridges every. Whether it's clients willing to do the work, whether it's me growing these conversations. People who are, willing to. Heal us. I really see the more of us. Obviously I said primarily gay men, but just the whole world. And listen to him. Listen, we just here on hearts, and it's this kind is more and more desperate. It's it's this like this massive, exponential growth that's happening. There's all this other stuff that's happening, but there's the love in this that's growing exponentially. Both can happen with us in this. Going darker and brighter is both happening, and that gives me a lot of hope in that, these conversations and this work is becoming more and more common. Definitely can be a lot more, but it's, it's it's growing and that's, that's inspiring for me. Definitely. If anything. Outside of me was Tommy. But space. Space with myself. So. Whether it's I do some crazy things, but so with this ice bath, I showers, meditation, being alone in nature. Those things which just it's just presence being so present in the moment. This. When I'm so present myself, everything else falls away. For those two that best for the refuge, which access any moment. Any moment.

Britt East [00:53:03] Yeah. That's so beautiful. I'm going to let you in on a little secret just between you and me. I get I get contacted a lot by, various fitness coaches to come on the podcast and talk, and I've always said no. And it wasn't until I met you that I felt inspired to do an episode like this. I've always felt like, it's problematic. There's, you know, pretty privilege and, ableism. And it's like, for all the things in the world, but there's, there's something so special about you, and it's, not only the the joy that you radiate and the shimmering image, this shimmering energy that just flows from you, even all these through all these miles across the screen. But it's the way that you intentionally unite all these aspects of mind, body and spirit into your program. That is truly restorative and not merely about appearance. That it's truly about health and wellness on a deep spiritual plane that, inspired me to have this conversation, and, to get to know you better. And, it's just been an absolute delight to talk with you today. I'm so thrilled that that you wanted to be a part of this podcast and, and be featured as a guest, and I'm so thrilled to get to know you better. I highly, highly encourage everybody who's watching this or listening to this to check you out on your socials. And of course, we will put all your socials in our show notes to make it easy on everybody. You do such a fantastic job. You're doing really beautiful work for a community who deserves it as gay men, and I'm just so thrilled to be part of the community with you. So thank you for coming on our show today.

Jarrod Lee [00:55:22] Thank you. I don't know if you can tell. Thank you. I feel very seen and heard. Thank you for holding this space down. I burst into tears coming out of my eyes right now. Thank you for holding this space bridge. Thank you. Thank you for doing this. And thank you for inviting me on. I feel very honored and privileged to have this conversation with you.

Britt East [00:55:42] Yeah. You're doing great work. Keep it up. And I. I hope that, I would love for everybody to get the chance to work with you. So, hopefully the, you know, people will reach out and, contact you to learn more and we'll give them all sorts of ways to do that. So thanks again, Jarrod. It's just been wonderful to get to know you. I'm so thrilled to not be cheering you on the whole way in your journey. And, please come back on the show and so we can continue this conversation. These talks feel like they fly by in the blink of an eye, and I'm just like, oh, I was just getting started. I wanted to ask him all this other stuff, and, you know, the time is already up, but, I'm really hopeful we can have you back.

Britt East [00:56:25] But listeners, dear listeners, you have made it through another hour of not going quietly. We we so treasure your, participation in the show for being our fans, our friends, our audience, for watching us on YouTube and listening to us on all our various podcast platforms, engaging with us on social media. We would not be here without you. We would not be having these wonderful conversations. I wouldn't get the chance to meet amazing people like Jarrod. We're not for your support, so thank you for all that you do. And until next time, goodbye. Thank you. Take care. You've been listening to Not going quietly with your host, Britt East. Thanks so much for joining us on this wild ride. As we explore ways to help everyone leap into life with a greater sense of clarity, passion, purpose, and joy. Check out our show notes for links, additional information, and episodes located on your favorite podcast platform.